Moving to Denmark: One Expat’s Open and Honest View of Life after the First Month

It has officially been a month for me living in Denmark. What do I think? How is it going? Do I like it?

I would have to say that Denmark is growing on me. Perhaps it is the improving weather, or it could be that we now have our things. I’m not sure, but things are getting easier. It isn’t that things were downright difficult, but I have to say that the beginning was rough!

First, we moved to the middle of nowhere. Haha! (I grew up in a middle-of-nowhere town, too, so I’m not hating!) Living in a small town can be difficult, since there aren’t many ways to socialize. I can understand how many foreigners may find themselves locked up in their apartments due to the lack of a social life, but I was determined that I wouldn’t be such a foreigner. I did a bit of research before arriving to town and found a local running group. Within three days, I had started running with the group twice a week. I tried my best to speak Danish (with what I had taught myself beforehand), and many of the people would help me out with some English from time to time. This group really inspired me to get out there and talk with others, and this also just made my desire to learn the language that much stronger. I also met a very nice English woman at the library and an American in the grocery store. I attended church the first Sunday that we were living in town, and I was able to get some connections to local groups for my children. There wasn’t much for me to do, but the key is to find what you CAN do.

Second, I was really worried about my kids not making friends, and the constant alone time with them was really wearing me out, since we didn’t have our things to keep them occupied. We made use of the closest playground, and though that seemed to get old for me quickly, it wasn’t boring for the kids at all. I actually allowed myself to relax and play with them which was nice. In the US, I would often go to the playground with my kids, but we would often meet other moms and their kids there on purpose. We moms could socialize while the kids played. This time around, it was just me and my kids, and I really liked that. My super awesome friend Kristin (who is my model for how to be an American and live in Denmark) mentioned that I should really take time to experience what is going on, because it goes by quickly. Such wise words! I was really thinking of them during my times out with my kids, walking, exploring and playing. The playground was also a great place to meet other kids and families. I was a bit shy at first (Me? I know…right?), and so were my kids. The more I tried to meet people, the more they did. I guess it is true that parents really are the models for their kids to follow. I was so proud of my kids as they went up to the others on the playground and asked them in Danish, “what’s your name?” I was even more impressed when I heard my oldest go a step further and ask one boy how old he was!!! Wow! I didn’t even know he remembered how to do that! My oldest is the shy one of the two, so if he can make friends, I know that they are going to be okay. It got to be that he and little brother would play almost daily with the little boy next door, which was such a nice change. In the US, there were tons of children in our neighborhood, but my kids didn’t have any friends. Whether it was the conflicts in people’s schedules or the fear of letting your little ones out of your sight, my kids never played with any of the other kids. Most of them were also bigger anyway. My oldest also joined a local soccer team for children 5 and 6 years old. Though he had no idea what the coach was saying, he still gave it his best shot and even learned some Danish.

Third, I don’t know Danish. I started to make this number one, but then I realized that things were okay without knowing Danish. However, learning the language would definitely make things easier. I signed up to take Danish classes on the fourth day of living in Bjerringbro. The only issue is that I’m really supposed to wait until I get my Danish SS card. If you know me, you know that I have no patience for anything, let alone waiting for a SS card to come in the mail. I knew that it would take months to get the card, but I really thought that it would be worth the extra money we’d have to spend for me to take the classes early. When my SS card comes in the mail, it will be free. I just can’t wait that long. I wasn’t sure if the card would come in a month or two or three, and what was I going to do in the meantime?? I realize that there is a process to everything. If the government is going to pay for the classes, they need to make sure they have me processed and such beforehand. I get it. I just don’t like sitting around when I could be communicating. I was very motivated on the first day to start learning the language, and I have to say that I am not as motivated anymore. Like I said, I have been getting by with English, so I can keep getting by without Danish. I used to wear out the Duolingo app on my phone to practice my Danish, but when I started parts where I had to learn new words, I began to lose interest. That is horrible to say. I’m (or was) a foreign language teacher. I shouldn’t lose interest in learning another language…right? 😉

The language barrier really hit me hard when I had to go grocery shopping. Things were rough the first few times by myself with my two, energy-filled boys at the grocery. I have to say those were real low points in my beginning days in Denmark. I know what you are thinking. Grocery shopping trips were low points to a new life abroad??? What are you the weakest person on the planet? You can’t get a few groceries without breaking down? Well, the answer is YES, it was a real downer not knowing how to find yeast in the grocery store because my boys wanted pizza, and you can’t make my famous pizza crust (Better Homes and Garden) without yeast. NO, I am not the weakest person on the planet. I just felt like I was made of dry sand on those days, because I thought that I should’ve been able to shop for my family like I have done so many times before, instead of crumbling in the breeze. What mother can’t provide a few measly groceries in a cart for her two (running around the store at this point) angels? I felt like a failure. I didn’t have a phone on me on these days, and my new pocket dictionary was at my MIL’s house. I was on my own. After a few charades showing one of the workers what yeast does, I was finally pointed to the cooler where she directed me to a cold, cube of (wet) yeast. WTF??? I had never seen this before. I told her that I would just wait for my husband, but thanks anyway. I think I went home and cried. In fact, I know I did. I actually recall crying the whole way home in the car, after we had just left the cart and walked out. I chalked it up to me being part psycho, part loser, but I was so ashamed that I couldn’t get a few things for my family for dinner. I also worried that my venting to my two children in the car on the way home would scar them for life, but I was so proud of how caring they were. I’d like to say that this only happened once, but that would be a lie. It wasn’t every time, but I remember another trip (different store, luckily) when I just lost it when my son told me he had to pee. I hated that I didn’t know where (if there were) the toilets were and that I didn’t bother to make my kids go to the bathroom before we left the house. I know that I looked like a crazy lady more than once during the first few weeks in Bjerringbro, and I hope that I put that reputation to rest. I ended up going back to the last store later that day and starting over. I communicated to the lady that my son had to use the toilet, and she was so understanding. She said, “I wondered where you went” with a smile. My biggest critic was myself, and I still continue to be. That is the way of the world. Maybe it is more for women, but I am supposed to know what to do to take care of my kids. I had never felt so vulnerable. Lesson one in humility, which might not be 38 years too late. Learning Danish will help me be more prepared, but I also need to lighten up about 85%. Rome wasn’t built in a day. I know that when I start learning the language I will be very frustrated that I am not fluent as fast as I want to be (now), but that will be in another post. Learning that it is okay to take a breath and start again really saved me my sanity in those days and still continues to do so.

I could also mention the food. The land of pork and potatoes isn’t the best for a hypoglycemic vegetarian/vegan, but I’m happy to say that Denmark is not what it used to be. I am actually saying this in a good way. When I started visiting this country eight years ago, the idea of being a vegetarian was the scariest thing possible. I mean, what do those people eat!??! Haha! You could get some veggies at the grocery store, but forget about anything soy. Now, soy is all over the place. I don’t want to say that I’m a soy addict, but having the option of buying rice milk or soy yogurt is wonderful. Yes, I buy most of this stuff in Germany when I can (CHEAPER), but Denmark is really giving me less reasons to complain.

I like it here. The people are friendly and open-minded. I feel safe, and the more I look into what new things this country has to offer, I find more things that amaze me. We’ve been cut off from media due to no TV and lack of Internet for the most part, but I have to say WHAT A BLESSING! Sitting here for an hour after my kids are in bed, typing this blog is not the same as sitting in front of the TV, focusing on what CNN (Pardon my French)shit storm I’d be bombarded with back home (Trump/ISIS/etc.), telling me of the horrors of the world instead of letting me focus on the joys and wonders of my small world and family. I’ve talked with my husband more in this past month than I probably have in the last few months in the US. I’ve slowed down. I don’t feel (not all the time, anyway) that I am always in a rush and don’t have time for things. Going to the store doesn’t take hours like it did back home, and living on less really helps you put things (and people) in perspective. Everyday is a new day, and I’m eager to see what tomorrow has waiting for me! Bring on month number two!